


don't be so hard on yourself.

by rnanfarrw



Category: Crooked Media RPF
Genre: F/M, continuing another fic, that i totally fell hearteyes over
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-13 05:17:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16011059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rnanfarrw/pseuds/rnanfarrw
Summary: tommy met her first, now jon is marrying her.





	don't be so hard on yourself.

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [no one man](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14902346) by [ymorton](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ymorton/pseuds/ymorton). 



It’s like Tommy’s entire irritation lays within, apparently after watch Emily picking out colors and listening to full conversations with her wedding planner. Watching how excited Jon is about the whole affair, it makes him almost jealous. Granted, he has Hanna, he’s still irritated that Jon could get the girl he had in the first place. They all had been through some shit, leaving the White House and Crooked’s start in the living room. Remembering back on when his dad died and he started his long winded sexual saga with Emily, but it was abruptly ended  _because she met Jon Favreau_. Going sailing with them, always around for something. Sometimes he wishes he didn’t have to watch on, but he did it because that was his best friend, even if he was with the girl he actually kinda liked himself. It’s like every date he’s taking with Hanna as a double date with the Doublemint twins that Jon and Emily had turned into, there is a bubble of just wishing it would all go away and he’d just lose his feelings like he lost his luggage once when he was on his way to propose to Katie. There went his train of thought, back onto the failures of what the engagement with Katie became. Emily provided distraction and she was smart... beautiful, smart... fuck. He had to pull his head out of this.

He’s trying to shovel down the jealousy around Hanna, trying to keep it out of the surface and everytime Tommy sees a perfect little note card that says ‘Emily Favreau’ and he has to walk away. Sometimes it’s overwhelming, but when Jon mentioned he can play guitar and the excited “Can you play at the wedding?” comes from Emily, he can’t tell her no. He never can tell Emily no, that’s the downfall that he has felt. He can tell Hanna no, but after all this time? He can’t do it with Emily Black. Jon never notices the way Tommy looks at Emily, he never even notices the unresolved sexual tension. Lovett remembers Emily, though, so when Jon and Emily get engaged? Lovett is immediately fled to talk to Tommy, he knows Tommy better than the group. When he leaves Emily and Jon's there is a sad pit in his stomach, he swallows it down.

When he's changed out in sweats, ruffled hair, and he's looking like he had just jerked off to try to loosen up his mind... and well, he did. Maybe the thoughts were a little pointed, but maybe it was to end with this. He would drop his emotions, but now? The knock at the door confuses Tommy, but he opens it and it's Lovett with a bottle of wine. "We need to talk," it's not urgency Tommy hears, but worry. A flood of mild concern, thank god Hanna didn't live with Tommy so they could talk this situation out. "I already know what's happening. I just need you to tell me you're okay."

"I'm okay, Lovett. Go drink that for yourself," he gestures to the bottle. He's not, though. He remembers after sailing a little bit in the relationship, watching Emily peel out of her clothes and he could feel the discomfort in his sweats. He wasn't even watching her, she had just managed to start stripping without his mind really comprehending the actions she was taking, unable to react until it was too late. Tommy's looked around and grabbed Emily by her wrist and pressed her to the wall. There is a muffled groan from her, but she shoved Tommy off and this wasn't a game anymore. She was with Jon, now. She was Jon's girlfriend. Tommy ought to know he wasn't winning her back, but god he misses her smell after sex sometimes. Just the way her hair laid on him as they laid down together, but it was nothing more. It was sex and dash off, he had to tell himself this. As he pulls out of his mind, Lovett can tell he's in his head. "I'm fine. Really."

"You cannot tell me you're fine. You look like you just lost your color, Vietor," Lovett pushes past Tommy and popped the wine open. "You cannot tell me you're okay with Emily and Jon adopting a perfect little doodle and it's their child. You cannot tell me that any of this is okay. I love Jon, I do. He's my best friend, but I remember when Emily was sucking you off in the doorway of our apartment and you had these stars in your eyes. Now she's marrying Favreau. She's not going to be Mrs. Thomas Vietor IV. She's going to be Mrs. Jonathan Favreau. I know this shit isn't easy, dude." Lovett knows longing, but because Ronan is off being some superhero at all times, it's for small periods of times that the longing to end. Never for somebody that they knew they couldn't have. Lovett is a mastermind, he's smart, he was a speechwriter, just like Favs. Sometimes he tries to be mad because everybody is paired off perfectly and Tommy is left with the scrap. Hanna is a good girl, he adores her, but she's not Emily Black by any means. Lovett tries to take all of this in account, as well. He knows Tommy well enough to know that sometimes shit just sucks and he bottles.

Tommy presses his fingers into his temples, shrugging lightly. Sometimes he misses Katie, but he knows she couldn't tolerate him. Maybe even hated him a little for putting work before her and delving into life like he did. NSC never slowed down for Tommy and that drove her batshit crazy that he was always at work, maybe even worried there was a woman or three. It ended so quick, Tommy's recovery was within Emily and their several times messing around. That thought is already upsetting him, but he tries so hard to push past it. Before there could be a word, there is a glass of wine shoved into his grip and there was a laugh that fell back into it's sadness. "It just sucks, Lovett. It's just fucking sucks that I never had my time to get to know her, Favs has her now. It's not something I could be laminating on. We fucked a few times, Hanna was in the room next to us before she moved back to graduate, and she knew. I think she has to know it was me, by the moans. I feel bad, I love Hanna to death. She's just not Emily Black. I just have to let them get married. I hear that there will be a wedding, reception, then after party. If I can make it past the first three, i'm solid. I'm golden. I should be fine. I just want to be as shitfaced as humanly possible. I even agreed to play guitar before she comes out. I can't tell her no."

Taking in account everything that Tommy had said, Lovett shakes his head. "You can tell her no, but you find it hard to tell her no. You don't even do that with Hanna, Tom. I hear you telling Hanna no all the time at small things. I am starting to see you can't tell this woman no because you're still-"

Tommy stopped him immediately and slammed his glass down, almost spilling some. "No. We fucked. Stop telling me I love her. Don't. Please don't fucking say it right now," and he's trying to text Hanna, maybe if he does, his mind is out of where it's at now. He has to text Hanna. This will anchor him back down to realize this is not his place to be impeding or interloping in on the biggest time for the Pod. The wedding of a founder and his woman. Blech. All of that felt like toxicity laying on his tongue, but he felt himself groan. "I have no reason. I just fucked her a few times. My heart is fucking shattered, i'm just not in the right place to be feeling this way. If anything, Favs will feel like i'm fucking him over. I am not announcing how I feel. This is why. Go home, Lovett." he sounds erratic, Lovett can even see this. It's a little overwhelming and he knows Tom isn't used to this. Well. He is, obviously for the same reason, but it's usually controlled. When Favs proposed to Emily, it was like Tommy's switch flipped.

He's shooed out Lovett and he's fighting himself. He's immediately fighting himself. Without missing a beat, Tommy swat at the glass on the counter and it bounces to his fridge and shattered on impact, there is a flinch from even himself.  _God, why does dad have to be fucking gone for this?_ It takes a minute before he tries to clean it up and he's already cut and that starts the dominos. He's immediately feeling his eyes welling up, slamming his hands down onto the shards and throws himself down. He has Dan's wedding coming up, maybe he can throw himself at Dan and talk about it. Dan knows about this even moreso than Lovett, having sat down and talked to him and hell, even Cody knew. Cody, Dan, Alyssa. The one to talk him down from stupidity was always Alyssa, always telling him that it was always best to just play it cool. He's not cool now, he's breaking, but he'll glue himself back together to go over to see Emily and Jon tomorrow, play with Leo a little bit. Try to not think of Leo as their child, but it's hard. _I need a dog, I need a responsibility to ground me down to earth. Get a female. Name her Lucca. She can be a Koch Vietor. Maybe i'll stop this if I attach myself better to Hanna with a puppy._

**Author's Note:**

> There's more! Just wait!


End file.
